Woosah

People search for their internal peace in different ways. They take trips around the world, ala Eat, Pray, Love. They retreat into their houses and become hermits. They have mid-life crises. For me, it just happened. Kind of.

The thing is that I'm on such a fast paced way of life. I'm always looking for what's going to happen next, always trying to prepare myself for the worst case scenario that I have a hard time slowing down to wait for anyone or anything. I don't know how to do calm. I'm looking over my shoulder waiting for there to be chaos. The stillness of it all makes me nervous.

Since moving to the west coast, I've been forced to slow down for a second. I've had to wait for my things to arrive. Wait for the right opportunities to come along. I had to just simply wait, which is something I'm no good at.

It's helped me realize what it is that I really want out of my life though. And what I want is an adventure. My future involves me being married with kids in a lovely home, enjoying the adventures of me and my family. I don't know who I'm marrying or when those kids are coming, but I feel like those are inevitables in my life.

For now, before I take on the whole nine I just want the adventure. I've lived in five places in six years and have had the same amount of jobs in the same amount of time. Maybe I've been waiting for everyone else to catch up. Maybe I've been waiting for a reason to slow down.

Someone told me they hope that I find what I'm looking for out here near the ocean. I didn't know all this running was me seeking. I didn't know actually taking time to slow down would help me see more clearly what the search has been about.

So for now, unexpectedly, I've found some peace. I'm relaxed but still a bit restless, two things that typically don't go hand in hand. But two things that at this moment in my life are keeping me balanced, moving forward and embracing life.