'Did you say it? I love you. I don't ever want to live without you. You changed my life. Did you say it? Make a plan. Set a goal. Work toward it, but every now and then, look around. Drink it in 'cause this is it. It might all be gone tomorrow.' - Meredith Grey, 'Grey's Anatomy'
Ok, so maybe it's a little sappy. Maybe I'm not even a fan of Meredith Grey. But I'll tell you this, I love what this says. Do you remember how when you were a kid and had a crush on someone and found out that they didn't like you back or you weren't sure that they didn't like you back, so you feigned aloofness so you didn't care too much first? You would only take a step forward if they did first. Was that just me? Was I the only insecure kid hoping that someone out there loved me the way I loved them? Surely not.
The thing is this: you grow up. You grow up and learn that maybe there will be days that you love someone more than they love you and it's no big deal. You take more risks and make more mistakes and look like a fool a few more times than you care to admit but at the end of the day, you got to love. You were able to make someone feel loved. And sometimes that's a hard thing to come by. And you shouldn't want to hold that back or feel ashamed or be scared that the love you have for someone might not be reciprocated. If junior high taught me anything, it taught me that I have a very high bounce back factor.
You bounce back.
You get over the broken heart or the disappointment. You choose to love another day. You decide what you will work for, what you will wait on. You decide when you've had enough. And then you change your mind. Because there are no rules to this. There's no expiration date to people. And the more you keep things to yourself out of fear of what someone else might do with it, then your digging yourself deeper and deeper into a hole of unhappiness. And holding yourself back.
It's fun. Believe it or not. Being in love or just loving, in general, is made to be fun. It makes you feel silly and hopeful and ready to take on the world. It's not going to always be easy or make sense or fall together at the end. It's going to be messy and aggravating and make you think that what you're feeling is anything but love. Because it's not perfect.
Love doesn' t leave because you tell it to. It doesn't hold up on a conditional basis. So to put effort into holding yourself back, back from something that's just naturally felt, well that's a straight waste of time. Because like I said, who cares? You loved someone more. There are worse things in life.
Like never taking the chance to say or feel it at all...
