note to self

I think when you start to grow up you stop blaming people. You stop pointing fingers at people who you think wronged you. You stop wishing that they would've done things differently. When you start to grow up, you may not realize it until what you've gone through is over.

I think when you start to grow up you learn from your mistakes. You learn to do foolish things for no other reason than it's exactly what you want to do. You do things everyone is telling you not to. But they are things you have faith in, things you believe to be amazing, things that you think are worth it. And when it turns out that it might not have turned just like you always wanted, you don't regret it, you just feel like that you gave it your all and didn't settle for less than what you deserved.

I think when you start to grow up the way you love someone can be blurry. You can love someone and not trust them at the same time. And your mind can get confused because your heart knows that it will never be what you want it to be if you're always left unsure. You can sometimes love someone because they need it, not because they deserve it. You love despite knowing that you have a chance to get hurt. You love knowing for certain that you will get hurt. You love because making someone happy beats breaking their heart any day.

I think when you start to grow up you realize that God really does have a plan. No matter what religion you are or what God you believe in. You see how the things, good and bad, happen at just the right time for the right reasons, even if you can't see it today. Even if you can't understand it at the time. It's not always for us to understand. Some days it's just knowing that there's a bigger, better plan and what's happening right now in this moment, even if it's awful, even if it hurts, it's not all there is. There's more.

I think when you start to grow up you understand that you are in charge of your own happiness. No one else can determine your worth and put a limit on all you have to offer, so don't let them. No one should be allowed to make you question that in yourself and if they do, then it's not up to you to try to change their mind.

I think when you start to grow up it doesn't make disappointments hurt any less, doesn't make life any easier but it makes you really begin to believe that there is nothing that you can't do. I think that it gives you enough scars to battle another day. Somehow you love more, forgive easier and pick yourself up to live and smile another day. I think it prepares you for all that's in store, let's you see just how good things are gonna be...